Top Ten reasons Mike Shields is a good friend

10. When you are sad, he will get you drunk and help you plot revenge
against the sorry person who upset you.

9. When you are blue, he will dislodge whatever is choking you.

8. When you get scared, he will tease you about it every chance he gets.

7. If you are worried, he will tell you horrible stories about how much
worse it could be and to quit whining.

6. Gay-porn jokes.

5. If you get confused, he will use little words to explain it to your sorry
butt.

4. When you get sick, he will stay away from you. he doesn't want what you
have.

3. When you fall, he will point and laugh at you.

2. When you smile, he'll know you finally got some.

And the #1 reason Mike Shields is a good friend is...
1. Great Fashion Advice.